misanthrope_md | House & Phedre. NWS. (Don't tell Jimmy!)

House opened his eyes again and looked down at her. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "At first I liked you because you reminded me of a woman I had a crush on as a teenager." His lips quirked into a smile. "But I'm good at reading people. And you lack the undercurrent of pretension and lies that most people have. You are what you are. I appreciate that, and it's refreshing."

I smiled back, pleased and a little flattered. "It is strange; on the one hand I am very good at pretending to be something I am not, but at the same time..." I paused while I thought of how to say this, moving my palm in circles along his thigh, my other hand resting just above his knee.

"It is a select part of myself I was accustomed to hiding; I was meant to be seen as merely a courtesan, with no more filling my head than the arts of the bedroom. And the reason for it was my own safety; mine and Alcuin's. But when I am free to own all the parts of myself, I cannot choose to do anything else. As you say; I am what I am. I cannot pretend it does not hurt, thinking there are those who would judge me for my calling, but... in the end it is those who choose to know me for everything I am that are worth the time spent." I smiled and added, "And those who willingly submit themselves to my rambling on and on..."

House looked up to the ceiling for a moment, feeling her hand on his knee and reminding himself that there should be nothing arousing about this situation.

"I suppose we're both judged by our appearances," House said with a wry smile. "Beauty and the beast. Though in my case, it's often the people who get to know me who dislike me more."

He winced as another stab of pain shot through him, and stretched his neck, feeling his body getting tense again.

"Relax," I said firmly, my hands going still and my eyes fixing on his. "This will not work if you tense yourself up again in five minutes." My voice softened and I added, "If it will do you better to lay back, that is fine as well."

House sighed and then nodded. "Maybe," he said, and slid back on the bed, lying on his back.

"The door's closed, right?" he said with a bit of a smirk. "If you're climbing up here with me, I'd hate for Chase or James to walk in, I'd never hear the end of it." He closed his eyes. "Though wouldn't mind if Stacy did."

I smiled a bit and stood, pushing the stool away and sitting on the edge of the bed. Tapping his knee, I motioned for him to stretch his leg out over mine, settling comfortably with his hip nudging my toes. "Stacy is an old lover of yours, then?" I asked, my eyes sparkling.

House settled himself as the observation of how smooth her skin was flitted across his mind.

"Yeah," he said with a sigh, "she's the girlfriend that made an appearance in the sob story I just told you. We didn't last long after that. She was an easy target for my anger."

He let his head fall back on the pillow. "She showed up her a couple of months ago, all pissed off at me for something I don't even remember doing - you know, the weird island timeline thing. And then immediately shacked up with the only other guy on the island with a limp."

"Oh," I said, a little surprised. "Well... that's... rather funny, actually. About the other man, I mean..." I shook my head, chuckling. "I'm sure you're right, then, that she'd hardly appreciate seeing you thus." I indicated the relaxed sprawl he'd adopted, my hands on his leg.

"She'd probably just go all ice queen on me," House said with a roll of his eyes. "There are a couple of guys who bullied me in high school I wouldn't mind seeing me with such a beautiful woman, though."

He let his eyes drop closed, and added softly, "God, your skin's soft."

My stomach gave a little lurch and I dropped my eyes, my lips curving up at one corner. "Thank you," I murmured softly. My hands lingered for a moment, splayed on either side of his leg just above the knee, my fingers brushing the smooth skin on the inside, my thumb resting in the dimple above his kneecap. His eyes opened halfway and I stirred, realizing I'd been caught out, and all but snatched my hands back to my hair, shaking out the knot it had loosened from and twisting it back up, taking a steady breath.

House's eyes opened and his lips curled into a lazy smile as he sat up.

"Oh, Phedre..." Before he could help himself, he reached out and cupped her face with one hand, running his thumb over the line of her jaw. "I'm only human, you know."

"I know," I muttered, dropping my hands and letting my hair fall free. "It is why I feel so guilty... but I am only human too, and I cannot help myself. I want you, and it is not my way to hide that, either." I could feel my pulse racing already, just from that small contact of his hand to my cheek. It seemed hardly without my willing it, I leaned into his touch, turning my head to press a kiss to his palm. If he pulled away then, I would let him go and save my conscience... but I did not want him to pull away.

She wanted him. Dear god why? It was even more insane than Chase wanting him. Maybe this was some twisted version of Heaven... or Hell.

The second he moved, he knew what a bad idea this was, but as soon as he took himself over that threshold and started to lean forward, it was as if his body was on autopilot. His hand went around to the back of her neck to pull her closer, and their lips met halfway.

My breath let go in a soft sigh as he kissed me, a measure of my own tension trickling out of me as I relaxed, my knuckles brushing his cheek and my other hand coming to rest at his elbow. His mouth was gentle and his hand on my neck was warm, and I yearned for more. Yet already I was afraid he would pull away, and so I did not move, merely returned the kiss I was given, sweet and artful and soft.

House couldn't help the small moan from escaping into her mouth. It was just so... soft, and inviting, and she smelled so good.

He managed to block everything else out of his mind for a while, just kissing her, until he realized exactly what he was doing.

He pulled away, conflict written all over his face.

My blood beat faster at his soft sound of approval, my fingers curling tighter against his arm, giving voice to a quiet moan of my own.

And then he drew away, the guilt on his face plain and clear, and I felt my stomach sink as I too drew back, getting to my feet with a neutral expression and reaching back to twist up my hair as I'd meant to do earlier.

I said nothing; part of me wished to tell him what Alcuin had told me of James' straying eyes (and hands and lips as well) but I did not want to seem cruel or spiteful, especially when I had begun this in the name of easing his pain.

House immediately grabbed her free arm. "Phedre, I'm sorry. I..."

He dropped his head and swore under his breath. "I just can't believe I... christ, after I've given James so much shit. Damnit, I keep saying over and over how I have the self restraint that he doesn't, feeling so superior - and now he's the one staying faithful while I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, don't apologize, Greg," I said, resisting the urge to bite my lip as his fingers dug into my arm. "It is I who enticed this to happen, not you." I gave a slight smile. "Blame it on my art if you will. I am very good at what I do, and am accustomed neither to being resisted nor to finding myself thwarted by fidelity. I forget, still, that D'Angelines reckon such things differently. 'Tis not such a heavy matter for us." Still it turned my stomach a touch, to hear him hold so strong to a promise his lover had seemed to break without qualm.

"It is a heavy matter for me," House admitted quietly, loosening his grip but not letting go of her arm. "Because he has a past of indiscretion, I have trouble trusting him, and... if I'm going to put him up to that sort of scrutiny without being a hypocritical asshole, I have to hold myself to just as high a standard."

He offered her a weak smile. "I have a great deal of restraint, Phedre, so what you've done is no small task. But, yes... fidelity is important, to James and I."

I could feel my face burning, slipping into a tight expression of concern, or maybe anger. It took much to spur me to anger, but this was one such; a man like Greg holding himself to a standard in the name of a lover who clearly did not esteem him half as much as he was worth, thinking himself a hypocrite when he was in truth doing no more than he had right, and fully less than I would have done in his place.

Swallowing and forcing myself to choose my words carefully, I said shortly, "I would not put myself in the position of tale-telling for anything in the world, but I cannot hold silent when you speak thus. You ought not to hold yourself to so high a standard when he has proven that he cannot reach it, and continues to prove it. I wish you could have imparted some measure of your own resolve to him, else I might not have to tell you that he was far less able to resist Alcuin's charms than you are to resist mine."

I fell silent and forced myself to keep my eyes on his face, knowing I did not want to watch the hurt this would give him show on his face, but knowing too that as the bringer of it I could not flinch away from it.

House's entire face went instantly blank.

"I - " He cleared his throat, forcing himself into calmness. Or trying to, anyway. "What are you saying? That James and Alcuin...?" He couldn't even finish it. Already, the facade was starting to crumble and the pain and anger was showing behind his eyes.

"I know they kissed; that Alcuin kissed him and James did not turn him away. I know Alcuin would wish for it to happen again, if it were not for you; he would never seek to come between you, that I know. But if James were to show interest, neither would Alcuin turn him away." I saw the hurt in his face and it wrung my heart to watch; my voice was thick when next I spoke, and barely above a whisper. "I am sorry. I did not think it my place to tell you, before. But I could not sit and listen to you extol the trust and loyalty of your agreement knowing it untrue."

House's hand curled into a fist in his lap, and then after a moment, he was laughing. Laughing sourly, like the act itself was killing him. "I knew it! I knew the minute I saw that kid... I knew James wouldn't be able to keep his hands off him. He's even needier than Sam, and way prettier, and not fucking nuts to boot." He thought about his and Wilson's last encounter, when Wilson had been so eager to be... punished. The flickers of guilt in his eyes. House had assumed it was just because he was having impure thoughts about the boy - not that he'd actually done anything about it.

"It's not your fault, Phedre," he muttered after a moment, "I'm glad you told me. It's just, every time this happens I feel like more of a fucking idiot."

I bit my lip, already feeling myself pulled back toward him, wanting to make it better somehow, though I knew there was no way I could. My hand strayed to the back of his neck, just resting, my fingers lightly curled into his hair. "You're not an idiot," I whispered fiercely. "He's an idiot for promising something he couldn't hold to. It's just so stupid," I said with a shake of my head. My other hand covered his where it curled in on itself, tucking my fingers into his.

House exhaled deeply. "He only promises because he knows I need to hear it. I should know, I should know by now... he's been divorced three times, for christ's sake. I don't know why I thought I would be any different, why I thought I would be enough, asshole cripples can't compete with nubile young boys..."

He entwined his fingers through hers. "Twice this has happened since we've been here. The first time, I nearly killed myself overdosing on cocaine. The second, I nearly fucked a young man myself."

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